I'm Sorry
by Bahoogasmif
Summary: "If tears could build a stairway, and memory a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven, and bring you home again." (One Shot)


_Hey guys. I am not entirely sure how to summarize this, or tell you where it came from as I myself am not sure. All I can say for certain is that I need you to do me a favor before you read this. I know people don't like looking up music that isn't theirs but please, humor me this once._

_Thomas Newman - Any other name_

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An End

Commander John Shepard sat in a dark room. The failing light of the sun gave him just enough light to see what he didn't want to. He didn't cry, in fact he hadn't made a sound since it happened. He just sat in what was once their home and stared at what his mind could not conceive being gone. His blank expression had been there for a few days, and while his friends still checked on him they had given up on making him smile. With him being incapable of even a fake smile to appease them. Their concern grew with each passing day, and he could tell by the looks they gave while they thought he couldn't see. The pity was something he could not take. He had enough of that from himself, he did not need it from them as well.

He looked down at his palms, seeing the old scars and remnants of a past life. It had been hard, of that there was no doubt, but he had always managed to smile through it all. He closed his eyes and took a ragged painful breath. It seemed like it was getting harder now, the breathing. It took something out of him, something that bubbled up from his belly and rested in a lump in his throat. Was it a blessing to remember all that you once had? Or a curse? To be stuck forever with the knowledge that those times will never come again?

Looking back up his eyes rested once more on what had become the center of his world. A bright sun shining through raven black hair, and eyes that shone like stars in the night sky. He closed his eyes and could almost feel her there beside him, her soft skin and brilliant smile lighting every room she entered. He longed for just one more touch. One last moment with her beautiful smile... That it was taken from him brought such bitterness that he felt unsure of what to do. A more perfect life, a more perfect love would never be found. But the universe had decided to take what he loved most, and he almost cried out trying to suppress the raging torrent where his heart once was.

He stood up slowly, his fists curled and his eyes clenched shut. The smell of her hair, the feel of her lips, and the promise of a long life together passing through his mind like so much sand in the wind. he turned his head to the side in anguish, trying in vain to physically dispel the painful thoughts and images. His expression finally melding from blank to such horrid pain that any onlooker would likely think he were dying.

When he opened his eyes again they were glistening; suffering making the wrinkles on his face scrunch up as he watched her happy expression from the photo sitting on his nightstand by the door that led to the ocean. He could see the waves behind her, slowly fading to a black abyss as the sun fell below the horizon, giving off a final hurrah of sparkling light that danced along the waves. A single tear slid slowly down one cheek.

He looked back from the water, so far down below the cliffside, to look back at her, and through the pain, smile.

_This was her favorite time of day... I'm sorry, my love. Tali... I'm so sorry._

Finally walking up to the photo he caressed it one last time, his finger drawing along her cheek before walking past it to the balcony. He stood in the slight desert breeze of Rannoch, letting the cooling evening air ruffle his clothes. Taking a shuddering breath to calm his nerves, he put both hands on the safety rail, gripping it tightly as he heaved himself up. Balancing carefully, he looked down the cliff before him from his two story home he'd built himself just for her. The white waves crashing against the rocks made him look back up slowly towards the sky, as if searching for her.

"Even if I don't see you again Tali, I will always love you. And I will _never _forget you."

His whisper was swept away in the wind as it whistled along the cliff wall, compounding the loneliness in his soul. For a long time, the savior of the galaxy stood upon the edge, before he closed his eyes and smiled at the vision of her one last time... and let go.

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"If tears could make a stairway, and memory a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven, and bring you home again." - unknown author


End file.
